M.B.D. – Episode 14

Warning! The following may contain bad spelling, grammar, punctuation, cardboard characters, cheesy plots, offensive NSFW material, and / or puns. Reader discretion is advised.

Officer W.E. Rose did not look forward to the day. Working the tip hotline had its moments but most of it as an exercise in self control. Anyone who didn’t work in the department would not believe the things that came across the lines.

“Thank you for calling the tip hotline,” and so it started.

“It’s the Democrats I tell you! Those good for nothing…”

“Hello? Yes, my cat got stuck in the tree outside. Could you send someone over to help me get him down?”

“Hey, yeah man, I want to order two large pizzas, extra meat on one and just cheese on the other. I also want two bottles of soda, and some of those stuffed breadstick things. And if you don’t have it here in thirty minutes you can forget about getting a tip!”

“Is this the tip hotline? Can you give me a tip on who to bet on in the next race?”

“Its the Tea Party! Those lousy jerks….”

“This is an important call regarding your financial health and well being. To continue this call in English, press one. Para continuar con esta llamada en espaƱol, presione dos….”

“I got this speeding ticket yesterday and I wasn’t speeding. I was just following everyone else. They didn’t stop all them other people for speeding. And what was that officer getting up in my face for about a tail light being out? I didn’t know the damn thing was out. He was just being a fuc….”

“It’s a conspiracy I tell you. Those bombs, they were set off by the Big Corporate Machine to scare the consumers. That’s how they make all their money, see? If you scare everyone then they’ll buy anything you sell them if you just promise it will make them feel safe again….”

“Its the Republicans! Those stinking moneygrubbers….”

“Why haven’t you done anything about the drug dealers on the corner? I keep calling you people and calling and you don’t do a damn thing! How many of our poor babies gonna have to lose their lives to some punkass pusher before you get off your fat asses and do something about it? And if you ain’t gonna do anything about it, we gonna clean up our own neighborhood….”

“It’s the aliens, man! They’re gonna invade and this is just the first step in their plan. Next come the anal probes, then they steal all our women for breeding….”

“Yes, I called before and we got disconnected. As I was saying, it’s a conspiracy by the Military Industrial Complex to manufacture new weapons without regulation or concern for the average citizen….”

“Its the Libertarians! Those freeloaders….”

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