Warning! The following may contain bad spelling, grammar, punctuation, cardboard characters, cheesy plots, offensive NSFW material, and / or puns. Reader discretion is advised.
Inside the corporate offices, V.E. Gully visited the Research and Development lab where Dr. Jenkins has finished analyzing the Zooper formula.
“Jenkins! What do you have for me?”
“Well, Mr. Gully, we’ve done a thorough analysis of the formula in the Zooper drink. We’ve isolated the ingredients that we believe are causing the spontaneous human combustion. It turns out that the formula is taking the iron, sodium, and magnesium in the human body and forcing it to the surface when a person sweats. At the same time it increases the amount of methane gas the body generates.”
Meanwhile, at the offices of the Good Guys, Tom looked up from his microscope. “When the sweat evaporates it leaves the iron, sodium and magnesium on a person’s skin. When those elements are exposed to the air, they burst into flame, setting the person on fire.”
Back at the lab, Dr, Jenkins continued his explanation. “Then the methane gas has built up to a pressure where the person expels it. Since they are already on fire, the gas ignites. The flames travel inside the body cavity where the pressure of the ignition presses outward.”
Back at the Good Guys, Inc. offices, Tome continued. “With no place to go, the person explodes, just like a firecracker.”
“How gruesome,” Freddie said.
“It’s absolutely diabolical! I don’t think this is just an unintended side effect. This was planned out.”
Back at the lab, Dr. Jenkins had a question for Mr. Gully. “Who would come up with such a thing? And why?”
Gully hemmed and hawed. “Er, never mid that Jenkins. Can you isolate the parts of the formula that cause this effect and reproduce them?”
“Of course sir. Now that we know what the basic chemical makeup of the formula is we can isolate the individual elements that cause this effect.”
“Good. Do that and let me know when you have some samples ready. I want a test by tomorrow.”
“But sir, we need to do some more research to better understand what is happening.”
“I don’t pay you to understand things Jenkins. I pay you for results!”
Back at the Good Guys, Inc. offices, Freddie made an observation. “If you concentrated just the parts of the formula that cause spontaneous human combustion you would have a military grade weapon.”
“Yes, and the world doesn’t need any more weapons in it. We need to stop this from getting out there.”