Growing up, I was horrible at math. I was a word kid. I understood words. Math was a foreign concept that I couldn’t wrap my head around.
I mean, I could do the basics – addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. I could even get the order of operations right most of the time. Since then I’ve gotten better at math, but there is still vast amounts of room for improvement. I can do a lot of basic math in my head (most days) and I’d like to study more advanced math (like Calculus) on my own, now that I understand math better.
Word problems in particular perplexed me. A plane leaves Chicago flying towards New York at 8:09 PM and traveling 150 miles per hour. Another plane leaves New York heading to Chicago at 8:13 PM traveling at 143 miles per hour. What time does the Sun come up in Peoria? In this scenario I figured the planes would smash into each other so what was the point of figuring it out?
In college I had to take Algebra, Trigonometry, and Calculus I, II, and III. I did OK in Algebra, mediocre in Trigonometry, and failed all the Calculus courses. They were required for my degree plan so I had to retake each of them. I passed with a D in each one on the second try. I still can’t do Calculus. All I remember about it was trying to find the area underneath a curve and min-max problems.
Apparently Calculus was independently developed by Isaac Newton and Gottfried Wilhelm Leibnitz. Curse them both for making my college life miserable. Newton was busy applying it to physics, working out things like planetary motion, the shape of a rotating liquid, and other fun things. Leibnitz was more philosophical in that he was trying to mathematically calculate how people can do the most amount of good and the least amount of evil.
Oddly enough, I ended up becoming a programmer. Everyone thinks I must be a math genius to write code. I’m happy to let them think that, but they are wrong. Programing requires, logic, structure and problem-solving. There’s very little actual math involved. I have to know how to program the computer to do the math, then let it come up with the answers to the math questions. I guess Algebra turned out to be the most useful for becoming a programmer. You have steps to work out a problem, and if you follow them correctly, you end up with the right answer. Programming is telling the computer how to follow a set of steps to solve the problems presented to it.
So, what does all this have to do with people being bad at math and toilet paper? Glad you asked.
Every single package of toilet paper in stores these days has some inane statement on it saying something like “16 mega-rolls = 96 regular rolls!” OK, all well and good, except that the rolls of toilet paper in the package are normal sized rolls. If they are supposed to be “mega-rolls” I find them sorely lacking.
I measured the rolls in the package of toilet paper we recently bought. They are five inches in diameter. That means if you measure the widest part of the circle going from side-to-side, they measure out to five inches. The radius (the distance from the center of the circle to the outer edge) then is half of five inches or two and a half (2.5) inches.
If sixteen (16) mega-rolls are equal to ninety-six (96) regular rolls, then that means one mega roll is six times in diameter than one regular roll.
96 divided by 16 gives us 6 (96 / 16 = 6 or 16 X 6 = 96)
If one mega-roll is five inches in diameter, then a regular roll should be 5/6th of a inch in diameter.
5 inches divided by six equals 5/6 inches or 0.8333 (5 / 6 = 0.8333 inches or 6 X 0.8333 = 5)
Or if we assume a regular roll is 5 inches in diameter, then a mega-roll should be thirty inches in diameter because five times six equals thirty (5 * 6 = 30).
Thirty inches is two and half feet, since there are twelve inches in a foot, so 30 inches divided by twelve equals two and a half feet (30 / 12 = 2.5).
Clearly, the rolls in a package of toilet paper are not 5/6 inches or thirty (30) inches in diameter. So, why are all the toilet paper companies putting these stupid claims on their packaging? They are increasing everyone’s cognitive dissonance, even if only on a subconscious level because people might not be actively thinking about this issue but somewhere in their subconscious it is irritating the psyche like a thorn in your side. Or if people are just blindly accepting the claim then it should be causing issues in their psyches. If it isn’t then the toilet paper companies have successfully impaired the math skills of the general public.
Rise up, people! Stop using toilet paper until the manufacturers stop this insidious practice. Use the Sears catalog like your great-grandparents did!
What? Sears went out of business? They don’t put out a catalog any more? Damn! The toilet paper manufacturers have already won a major battle and put their competitor out of business. Don’t let them win the war!
Admittedly, as I’ve already stated, math is not my strong suit so if anyone checks over this and finds a flaw in my thinking I’m happy to have you point out the error of my ways, but I don’t think I’m wrong.
If you’d like to support my efforts, why not buy me a chocolate chip cookie through my Ko-Fi page? https://ko-fi.com/jhusum
Actually, it’s all about the toilet paper manufacturer trying to convince you (and millions of other people) to buy their toilet paper instead of some other company’s, even though there is no real difference between the two.
The really depressing thing is how well this seems to work on most people.