Warning! The following may contain bad spelling, grammar, punctuation, cardboard characters, cheesy plots, offensive NSFW material, and / or puns. Reader discretion is advised.
Regina King slowly walked down the street, holding a leash in one hand. On the end of the leash was her little yorkie, Mr. Snookums. Regina was overweight, since she spent too much of her days sitting in front of the television watching soap operas and eating junk food. She especially liked little powdered donuts and would down a bagful during the afternoon.
She talked to the dog as they walked, trying to fill a void for companionship. Regina lived by herself and had few connections to her neighbors. She would try chatting with them when she saw them by the mailboxes, or when they were going to and fro out of the apartment building. But every time she started trying to connect the other party would make some excuse and turn away, leaving with as much speed as common courtesy would allow. This was probably due to Regina’s insistence on oversharing the tiniest of details from her soap operas with anyone that she could corral into listening.
“Wasn’t it just horrible what Samantha did to Darlene, Mister Snookums? She seduced Darlene’s boyfriend, Jack, just to get back at her for what Darlene did at the New Year’s Eve party last year. I mean really, just because Darlene had her arrested for indecent exposure. But Samantha always was a tramp, Darlene should know that by now.”
Mr. Snookums sniffed the air and then sneezed.
“Why bless you, Mister Snookums. But Jack was already having an affair with his secretary wasn’t he? And then he was planning to embezzle all the money and burn down his office so he could scam the insurance company. But he would have had to give all the money to Rocky the mobster, who was extorting Jack because he caught Jack trying to sell drugs in his territory. But he was only doing that to raise enough money so his gay lover could have a sex change and become a woman. Then they were going to run off to Acapulco together.”
Mr. Snookums stopped at a street lamp and sniffed the base.
“Oh, does Mister Snookums have to make a pee pee? Go ahead dear, Mommy will wait for you.”
The yorkie sniffed some more, then turned around so his other side was facing the streetlamp. He raised his leg and a stream of liquid christened the base. When he was finished he lowered his leg and kicked once with each leg.
“Are we all done? That’s a good boy, Mister Snookums. Yes you are, yes you are. You’re such a good boy. That’s Mommy’s little precious.”
The yorkie turned and made a small growling noise. He stood at attention and pointed his nose down the street.
“What is it, Mister Snookums? Do you see that mean old cat that is always bothering you? Well, don’t worry. Mommy will keep you safe from the bad old pussy cat. Come along now, Mommy has to get back to watch more of her shows.”
The little yorkie strained against the leash and started barking, raising an alarm that Regina was just too wrapped up in herself to notice or understand.
“There there, Mister Snookums. You can chase that mean old cat later.” She pulled on the leash. “Now you come along now, Mister Snookums. You’re making Mommy angry.”
She pulled on the leash and suddenly the dog turned and ran back the way they had come, nearly snapping his neck when he reached the end of the length of leash.
“Mister Snookums! You stop that! You behave yourself or Mommy won’t give you snackies when we get back.”
A noise behind her made Regina stop. She turned around. From out of the darkness a large shape pounced at her. She released her hold on the leash as the creature slammed into her, bellowing with rage. It’s sharp teeth tore at her throat and sharp claws raked her body.
Mr. Snookums squealed and ran down the street, dragging the leash behind.