Note: None of the discussion below involves me personally. Many people may not agree with me. That’s their prerogative. This is all strictly how I see things. Your mileage may vary.
It’s an age old story.
Two people meet. They spend time together. They fall in love and get married. Time passes. Something happens. And the two people fall out of love.
Maybe it was an abusive relationship, in which case I question if the couple was ever in love. Maybe they find that they really only had one or two things in common and it wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship. Maybe they just grew apart. Maybe one partner isn’t getting what they want out of the relationship. There are many different reasons why it didn’t work out.
Maybe one spouse found someone else. Someone they think can make them happier than staying in the married relationship. Maybe they want to leave and be with the new person. Let’s twist this scenario a bit further and say that the new relationship is with someone of the same sex.
Getting divorced is bad enough within religious circles. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. There is social stigma tied to getting divorced. That has lessened over the decades but there is still some lingering biases against it.
Gay relationships are judged even more harshly. Many religious communities hold that gay sex is an ‘abomination.’ I’m not going to argue the religious merits of this position. I’m sure there are many other people on the Internet that will be happy to expound upon the topic.
If a relationship has gotten to the point where one spouse wants to leave, I can think of two questions that need to be answered.
1) Can you be happy with the person you want to leave?
If you can, I’d say stay, work things out, get counseling if necessary, do whatever it takes to salvage the relationship and remain together. If you can’t be happy with your current spouse, then leave.
2) If you can’t be happy with your spouse, can you be happy long term with the new person (gay or not) you are leaving them for?
Note the words ‘long term‘ in that question. If the new relationship is just an infatuation because you’ve been unhappy in the current marriage and aren’t getting what you need out of it, and the new relationship does provide what you need, then don’t let it ruin what you’ve already got. You may not have to stay with your current spouse, but don’t jump to a new relationship unless you’re sure that it will last.
For as long as I can remember, preachers have said that we are all born sinners. None of us are going to get to Heaven, but through the grace of God. This is the same God that said to love Him above all else, and to love each other as He has loved us.
Given that, whether you stay in the marriage, or leave, the only thing I can say is this:
Err on the side of love.
Let me repeat that.
Err on the side of love.
Always.
If you’re going to make mistakes, and God is going to judge you for them, then at least make the mistake on the side of love, on the side of not making the world a worse place, on the side of trying to bring some happiness into the world. Maybe He will at least view your sins as folly and be a little more forgiving. I hear He’s big on forgiveness.
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