Raise the alarm! The vacuum is attacking!

Bark bark! Bark! Bark bark bark! Bark! Bark!

Major Tom is upset and raising the alarm. My step-daughter has come over to help clean the house and is running the vacuum.

Since I am fluent in dog, let me translate. “Hey! The vile vacuum cleaner is going to kill us all. Don’t you hear its roar? I have to yell just to get your attention. That thing is a killer! IT MUST BE STOPPED!”

He remains a respectful four feet away from the evil device, absolutely certain that it is going to escape the step-daughters grasp and run amok, leaving bloodied dead body parts everywhere. He is so certain of this that he is prepared to defend us with his very life. As long as he is several feet away from the vacuum.

To be fair, he has large paws to fill. Houdini, may he rest in peace, was our vacuum defender before Major Tom. Houdini was fearless in his defense against the machine. He would actively attack the hose as I tried cleaning the floors of dog hair. You can see his technique here.

Houdini wasn’t afraid to get up close and personal with his attacks. He would grab the bottom of the hose ad yank on it, deflecting it at least a little. He couldn’t grab it very well in his mouth but he kept up his attacks. As I always say to the silly people in the movies “press the attack!” Once you’ve made the first strike, keep making more until you’ve pounded your opponent into the ground. Then add one or two more strikes for good measure. Houdini was totally in favor of this approach.

I get up and go into the other room, then call Major Tom over to me. He’s still wary of the infernal contraption as the step-daughter moves around the room. He relents in his duties ad crosses the floor to me. I sit on he floor and he gets up in my face. I scritch his ears and get him to calm down enough that he stops barking.

“It’s okay. She’s a professional vacuum wrangler. I have every confidence that she can keep it under control so it doesn’t mangle us to death. And if it does get away, you get first shot at it.”

Major Tom looks dubious about this explanation but accepts it. He gives a few more barks at he vacuum cleaner then goes into the other room. Sirocco is there and has been the whole time, trying to sleep and ignoring all the commotion. He’s the most Zen of the three dogs. Magdalena has been lying on the floor in the same room where the vacuum is running. She doesn’t like the noise but isn’t overly concerned. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of her being in the way, she’s cool with it. She’s the second most Zen of the pack. Maybe it’s a husky thing.

Ultimately the step-daughter finished vacuuming he floors and put the cleaner away. Major Tom came over to it and sniffed. He looked like he was about to raise his leg and pee on it but a stern look and a “No!’ from me diverted him. He walked away with a “who? me?” air about him.

I hope things are calmer in your abode, my Hordeling.

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