What am I missing?

Warning! The following is covering religion. I’m going to discuss religion for the next three days. If you want to skip these posts I’ll see you on Saturday.

A bit of background. I was raised Catholic. I went to church every Sunday. I went through twelve years of Catholic Catechism classes. I went through the Holy Sacraments – Baptism, Confirmation, First Communion, Confession, and eventually Matrimony. I was secure in the knowledge that I was right in the eyes of God and everything was fine.

That changed one day in high school. I was walking to class when I had to get around a group of students. That was when I was verbally assaulted by a blonde girl. “You’re going to Hell!”

What? I am? I don’t think so. I didn’t have time to confront her as the bell rang and I had to go to class. She was probably one of those born again, well-meaning Young Life Christians that were so popular in the late 1970’s / early 1980’s. (Yes, I’m old.)

That declaration made me start questioning things. What was causing me to go to Hell? What was Hell? Do other religions have a Hell? What are those other religions teaching anyway?

This lead me into a journey of searching for answers that still goes on today. I still identify as a Catholic (not a very good one) but I also have leanings towards Buddhism. If nothing else, Buddha’s Four Noble Truths is an imminently practical system for dealing with the crap Life throws at you day-to-day.

Which brings us to the present.

Sunday. The wife and I are at church. It’s a Pentecostal church.

The Pastor is on fire. He has been leading the song worship and preaching. People all over the church have their hands raised in praise, worshipping. There is a current of energy in the place. Everyone seems to be tied into the same frequency, united in their belief and worship.

Everyone, except me.

I stand stoically, not wanting to be disrespectful or disruptive. I’m all for freedom of speech and religion. Everyone is allowed to believe what they want. If it is different than what I believe I’m willing to discuss it and see if we can find some common ground.

There is a saying – those who dance are thought crazy by those who don’t here the music. I’m well aware of this from being on the side of those who dance while being thought crazy by those who can’t hear my music. This is one of the times I can’t hear the music.

It seems that the entire church is dancing to some Euro indie thresh metal Viking polka that, despite my best efforts, I am unable to hear.

I want to. I want to be able to hear what they do. I want to know what it is they know. But I’m not tuned to the right frequency or something.

Then the Pastor sits in a chair near the pulpit, spreads his arms wide and says “The presence of the Lord is in the house today.”

Everyone else seems to accept this as gospel truth (no pun intended). It could very well be true. I’m certainly open to the possibility that it is and that the Lord is truly there.

I can’t perceive it. I do not feel anything. No presence, nothing supernatural. It is simply a building. The Pastor is just a man. I do not know what to make of this.

Are they in on the experience? Is it mass delusion? Does everyone else feel the presence of the Lord? Is the Lord there and he just doesn’t like me? That would certainly be a direct contradiction of what the Pastor preaches every week.

What am I missing?

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