Physically asleep, mentally awake

Last night I had an interesting experience, which I can only describe as being physically asleep but mentally awake.

I got to be around 11:30 PM, after working on the computer, like I usually do. Working may not be an accurate description. I was doing a final check on things like email, Facebook scrolling and forums I hang out on. Nothing out of the ordinary about any of this.

I got into bed, settled in, and figured I’d be asleep in a few minutes. I remember laying there and thinking that I’d fall asleep any minute. But it never felt like I did.

I didn’t move around a lot during the night. I usually don’t. There are times I wake up stiff from sleeping in the same position for hours on end. It was like my body was sleeping, doing it what it normally does when asleep. My brain was like a hamster running on its wheel.

The main thought in my head was why wasn’t I falling asleep. I always have that sense of falling into another state when I sleep. A sense like I’m fading into darkness and no longer aware of what is happening around me. I didn’t ever reach a point last night where I felt like that happened.

Sirocco came in and put his paws on the side of the bed to get my attention around 2:00 AM. I rolled over and pet him for a couple of minutes until he settled down again.

After that I continued laying in bed. I figured at that point I’d fall asleep, but no such luck. I remember stretching at one point because I’d been in the same position again for some amount of time. Still my brain wrestled with the question of why wasn’t I sleeping. Sometimes it went off on a tangent, trying to make plans for the day, or come up with ideas for my writing. Eventually, though, the brain would return to focusing on not being asleep.

Around 4:30 AM the wife had a coughing fit, something that developed after leaving the long-term care facility. She got up around 4:45 AM to go into the other room to watch TV, in hopes of not disturbing me and waking me up. I once again figured I’d get some sleep, maybe a hour and a half or so, then get up and start my day. After about twenty minutes or so I decided I wasn’t going to get to sleep at all so I went ahead and got up anyway and started my day.

It was an odd experience. I would have expected I would be dog tired today but I wasn’t any more tired than I am on any day where I do get sleep.

This makes me think of Autopsy Room Four, which was a segment of Nightmares & Dreamscapes, an anthology show based on Stephen King stories. In this segment, Richard Thomas (John Boy of The Waltons fame) ended up in an autopsy room, after being bitten by a snake. He’s paralyzed and can’t move, but he’s aware of everything going on around him. He knows he’s about to be sliced open and the story revolves around his efforts to try ad move before the doctor’s start cutting on him. I imagine this is what my experience was sort of like, although I could move. I am concerned that if I ever have to have an operation that I’ll be mentally awake under anesthesia and aware of what is going on. Not an event I would want to go through.

I hope you’re getting peaceful sleep, my Hordeling.

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